Peace and Love

The greatest feelings that I have discovered in the past few years is peace and love.

Through working hard and trying to clean up my side of the street I have found that I can be more at peace with myself and the world around me. I had been working the 12 step program for years but I had not found the peace that fills my heart and soul today. I was missing something.

That something was the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Redemption (happiness). Through the ultimate sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ I could have peace and joy. It though requires a lot of change. Change I at times thought was beyond my reach or abilities.

Some of the things that if I did daily would help me along the path to true peace and joy those being prayer, reading the scriptures, service, and daily meditation.

The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. 

It puts forth the doctrines of the gospel, outlines the plan of salvation, and tells men (and women) what they must do to gain peace in this life and eternal salvation in the life to come. (Book of Mormon, Introduction)

To know that I am aligning my life to be working towards what I desire the most peace on earth and salvation and exaltation in the life to come.

Last night at my meeting we discussed Step 7 Humility and I was reminded that often the further we walk off the path the more painful the journey can be to return. (A lot more garbage in the street).

"Even as you feel the pains of your own rebirth, remember that His suffering, not yours, ensures your redemption from sin. Your sacrifice is only a humble reminder of His “great and last sacrifice” on your behalf (Alma 34:14). (Addiction Recovery Program, Step 7: Humility)"

To feel the pain that I have felt in the years of addiction and then the pain of cleaning up the damage and wreckage of my past I am humbled by how much my Savior and Redeemer did for me. I am grateful and humbled for what he did for all of us. 

The choice is yours, the price has been paid. The ultimate act of unconditional love is done. Choose this day to find joy and feel the love that is there for you. Turn unto him. Return to his love and feel his peace.

Love

The greatest commandment is to love God with all thy heart. 

When I focus on this commandment I think of what would he have me do to show him that I love him with all my heart, soul, and being. It always leads to the second great commandment to love thy neighbors. What a joy it is to love others and hopefully being them a little extra love to their day. 

I try to be mindful and purposeful in all my doings to remember my Heavenly Father and my Savior and if I do so it makes life so much more enjoyable.

Sure my old thinking pops up and I still make poor choices but all in all my life keeps getting better one day at a time by loving God and my neighbors.

~blessed child

Gratitude

Gratitude Is section a wonderful gift not only for the person receives a thank you or expression of gratitude but also the person who gives it. 

Gratitude is pretty much always free to give but it's priceless to receive and give.

Yesterday a woman in one of my church meetings brought over some flowers and a cute card. In the card she expressed her gratitude for my comments and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and my testimony and experience helps her know that the church is true.

Little did she know that I was having a conversation with a friend just a few minutes before about if I talk too much in church and if I needed to be quiet. 

I had also taught Sunday school class to the 14-year-old youth and I was full of doubt if I relayed the message I wanted to give. 

The card and flowers were very important to me Because it demonstrated a few different things: God loves us and knows our needs, that people are wonderful and the world is beautiful, and I need to continue to share my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as often as I am prompted.

Thank you!

Reborn

I have been reborn! Today I choose to finally accept my value. What a prized possession I am. I am not broken, I am not worn out, I am not all those negative things I told myself for years.

I am a miracle. One of gods greatest miracles.

Today I choose to no longer live in negativity, mediocrity, or in the shame I lived in.

I saw myself as broken...no i am not even close. I am a beautiful daughter of God perfectly created to do exactly what he wants me to do and be. Talented, intelligent, artistic and a lover of all people. He has blessed me with so many gifts. I choose to not waste one more day or one more minute thinking I am less than. Thinking that I need more. 

I embrace who I am. I will love myself as much as I love others and treat myself with the love and care I deserve. I am gods miracle that I must cherish, develop, and allow that miracle to grow and blossom.

I choose to be grateful for every breath I take, for all the gifts of my life.

 I choose to  know how beautiful I am inside and out because God does not make mistakes.

I choose to work hard everyday and not settle for less than in anything. If I make a commitment it will be the best commitment ever. I will go further than the agreement. I will use the power given to me with thought, and be still and consider and counsel on the most valuable gift given to me. The power of choice. We only coast one way. I choose to be successful in all things. I choose to use my power of choice wisely with full knowledge of how my decisions ripple far beyond even what I can see.

Finally I choose to love! Not the worlds definition of love but the love that i feel on my heart that was given as a gift from God. My love is a burning desire to show every person that they too are also a miracle of God. I will no longer wait for a decision from any authority to tell me how to love... Or who to love. I love God, I love Jesus Christ and I love all of Gods children my brothers and sisters, and I LOVE ME!

Yesterday I was on one path and my trajectory changed and I am on a different path... I finally understand what the STRAIGHT and narrow path is. I am on it. My foundation is laid now I will build upon it.

Each day I will choose to win the small battles and know that with God all things are possible. I know that my recipe for success is Read, Pray, and Serve daily.

I choose to choose wisely, love others, go that extra mile and work hard, be grateful, know that God created me perfectly, and LOVE GOD.

My heart burns like it is on fire. 

I am so grateful for what has been given to me. Peace and Joy!

Meditation written 7/12/13

Sitting at my spot on the temple grounds thinking about my experience yesterday. So amazing. I was meditating on my feelings and what I was thinking and experiencing yesterday. I felt Overwhelmed by the spirit and just a strong feeling of gratitude. I was incredibly nervous too. I felt the same way the day I returned to church. Then today I was reading the scriptures and I read this: 

21 And when thy people transgress, any of them, they may speedily repent and return unto thee, and find favor in thy sight, and be restored to the blessings which thou hast ordained to be poured out upon those who shall reverence thee in thy house. 

22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them; (D&C 109)

I especially liked this passage because it talked about transgression. It did not mention what transgression or anything other than speedily repent and return unto thee. 

It does not matter how far down or how far away you have walked from God and his teachings. Only that you repent quickly and return to him and the blessings will return.

~blessed child

My temple experience

I can hardly find the words to describe the experience I had tonight at the temple. Today I was nervous and excited and nervous and EXCITED all day. It kinda felt like I was 3 and I was waiting for Christmas morning or about to go play in the championship game.

The path I walked for many years was polar opposite of how I felt tonight. 

Yes I had fun but only moments of fun followed by isolation, regret, and hurt.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and joy.

As I sat in the chapel meditating and thinking about my life and where I have been and the decision to turn away from all of that and to commit to doing and being better. Being the woman I know my Heavenly Father wants me to be. 

I knew that my Heavenly Father and my Savior were looking down on me with big smiles.

I am not going to lie I did have moments of self doubt wondering if I can sustain, and I wondered if this is really me. I have only known this woman for months. The old me the familiar and wild me I know what she is all about.

I am so blessed to know "With God nothing shall be impossible" Luke 1:37

I know that what I felt tonight was just the beginning. 

The other beautiful thing was a lot of my family and friends were there with me. We also got to do my brothers proxy work that passed away. The spirit was so strong I could visualize him in heaven looking down on is having such an amazing moment together for our entire family. 

I have cried off and on throughout the day. Feeling full of love and happiness. 

Wow. It was everything I hoped for and more!

The biggest feeling I have is gratitude for my Savior and Heavenly Father for giving me the ability to come unto him and to be made whole. 

I am a blessed child.

A big day going to the temple

Tomorrow is such a big day for me. Tomorrow I get to enter into the temple for the first time since I was a youth. Tonight I have been reading the New Era, I printed off names to take from family search, and I talked with some of my closest friends and family. 

There is no greater blessing than to do proxy work for my family members that have passed on that are anxiously waiting for their work to be done.

I can't wait to feel the peace and the spirit in the temple. I  also so excited to go with so many loved ones.

The hard work and patience is worth it.

A little voice in my head keeps trying to trick me telling me I am not good enough or worthy enough. Sure I can be and do much better in my life. The important thing that I remind myself is I am worthy and I strive daily to be a better woman.

The key to my success is living my life ONE DAY AT A TIME. Keep it simple. Read, pray, and serve.

I used to be so sad. I couldn't see the colors of the world all i saw was gray. Today I see so much beauty. I see people's smiles. I see the possibilities. I love life!

I can never deny the great plan of redemption because I have been redeemed.

It is taking that first step of faith and ask God what you want to know. Then follow the still small voice. 

I am so grateful. 

I am in tears thinking of what it used to be like and now how wonderful my life is.

I won the lottery of life. The wonderful thing is everyone is entitled to the winning ticket... The Savior gave his life for us so we can be redeemed.

Limited temple recommend

Wow a day I thought would never come just happened. I went through the interview process for my limited temple recommend. It has been 21 years since I have has a limited temple recommend.  I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love me service that has poured upon me to help me get here. 

Especially grateful for my family, friends and priesthood leaders who kept encouraging me when I felt it was impossible. There have been countless phone calls, text massages, and so forth that have brought me back from the edge back into the fold where the strength is.

Above all else this would not have been possible without the enabling power of the atonement. I owe everything to my Savior  and The Lord for everything they have given me.

I think I will constantly struggle with my own voices in my head that will try to make me feel not good enough. I could answer all the recommend questions honestly and I know I can walk into the house of The Lord WORTHY. 

Truly another miracle through the power of the savior and my Heavenly father.

Blessed beyond belief.

~blessed child

 

Wanting tattoo removal or a new tattoo... What?

I have been going through laser tattoo removal for months. I had to take some time off because off a surgery and an injury. Today I am really wanting to get either a session of laser removal or a tattoo. What does that say? My loved ones and the people I confide in say it is my emotions are not in the normal functioning range so causing some sort of pain shuts down the emotions/pain and puts everything back in a more tolerable place. 

I did not notice that pattern until one day I was craving a treatment for laser removal because of some horrific emotional pain I was going through. I went and got the laser removal and that immediately stopped the emotional pain. For the first time is was blatantly obvious what the treatments did. The physical pain of the tattoo removal overrode the emotional pain. Very intriguing. When I find myself focused on things and becoming imbalanced I can not reach for people, places, or things that take me from what I am working hard to become. 

No longer can I reach for the empty relationship that caused harm but fulfilled my immediate need of someone that would tell me how beautiful and loved I am only to later stab me in the heart.

I can not go to friends that offer me things that take me from what I am trying to become.

I can not reach for substances, games or other things that do not add anything of value.

I ask myself does this take me further away or closer to who I am trying to become?

Tattoo removal... Closer. When it is not used to escape feelings. (Today I called 3 times trying to get an appointment)

new ink... Further. Even though the message would be uplifting. It is only to fulfill this craving to stop the emotional pain. 

Today I will pray, surround myself with good people, and this too shall pass. One day at a time. 

~blessed child