Spinning wheels

Do you ever feel like your wheels are spinning? That life is mundane? Need a little adventure and excitement without it being solely focused on self seeking? 

Well that's how I am feeling. Unsettled and bored. I am now moving onto my next adventure in life... Well at least in the preparation phase. I can't wait for the action phase!!!!!

Co occurring

Recovery is such an amazing and beautiful thing! I am not only recovering from an addiction but I am also recovering from a co occurring psychiatric diagnosis. 

I was diagnosed when I was 19 after a unsuccessful suicide attempt with major depressive disorder and later I was diagnosed with PTSD. 

Somedays I feel like I am recovered from my addiction but I never feel like I am even close to recovered from my mental illness. When I am having severe anxiety, depression I do feel like self medicating to get out of my head. I know where that leads though... Feeling way worse and then havibg shame or guilt from relapse.

Today my craving is to drink caffeine. I know I know it's ok. For me it's not because it increases my anxiety and I also can not sleep so I spiral further down.

If I do a chain analysis of what's leading up to these feeling I know what's causing it. Fear and stress. 

There is not a lot I can do about the fear other than what I am doing. Read, pray, serve, and reach out.

The other things is patience, faith, and remember every time I have gotten through these periods with time and hard work. 

Still learning how to lay my fears and burdens at the feet of Jesus. 

Today I really want to take my will back and I don't. Ambivalence!

Right now I can't even say it...

Cloudy days

Cloudy days happen too. Just be mindful that the sun ALWAYS comes out eventually. Be patient and have faith.

Hands

Today I was with the most oppressed and marginalized people on the face of the earth.

Sunken eyes, weathered skin, feet so calloused from many days without socks and even days without shoes.

Nights without sleep because the shelter was full. Days of guarding their belongings and having to hustle to find food to eat.

Wanderers of the earth with only one thing on their mind survival.

People think oh if they could just stop using everything would be ok.

People say if they would have only chosen better at the beginning they would not be in such a horrible place.

Today I went round and round with a person trying to help him find one glimmer of hope to try once more.

Today I talked with a man who was lit on fire as he slept on a bus bench and now he is missing a limb.

Today I worked with a person who is at the bottom trying to break free of her addiction while also fighting the demons in her head.

These are the stories of the chronically homeless.

One person said I wonder if I should continue to try or if I should give up and just go to jail.

How does one help someone help someone in such dire and hopeless circumstances.

The first act is simple. It is an act of love and acceptance. A smile, a hello, and asking them if they need anything.

The second act again is another act of love. Can I help you wash our clothes?

Have you ever gone camping or to a place where you could not shower for days?

One of the things people desire the most is the comforts of your home: a shower, a warm meal, and a bed.

When people walk through the doors they are also looking for those things first. A warm shower, clean clothes, and a soft place to lay their head.

Then you move on after meeting their basic needs to try to help them see there is still a chance and a possibility to try again.

Remember just stay on the path and try try try again.

If everytime you tried you got kicked why would you try again.

If everytime you stood back up and someone said Come on you can do these and gave you a little push start, one day you just might keep walking.

Love, kindness, and encouragement is what we can all do to help those in need.

11 Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 

12 No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. (New Testament, 1 John, 1 John 4)

 

 

 

Safety net

I have been sober for a few years and I have has the opportunity to experience life being sober. At first I was scared to leave my house because my addiction was everywhere. Then I built a support system of sober friends, I went to meeting, went to college, worked and so on. Life became manageable. 

Then I again found myself at cross roads this time I was looking to fill the hole still left inside of me. I returned to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Again I had to learn how to relive life with a new set of guiding principles that would help me find a new freedom, peace and happiness.

Again though I was like a young child learning what was safe and not safe. 

I have been so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life guiding me, teaching me, correcting me when needed.

This weekend I was able to go on vacation it was amazing. I spent the weekend at the place I focus on when I meditate... My happy place. 

(Picture I took this weekend)

Yet I still had a lot of anxiety because I was outside of my comfort zone. I was experiencing something for the first time that was new.

Even the best of circumstances can be challenging at times. Yet I truly have been able to change my heart and more often than not greet my challenges with determination and also a challenge to learn and grow rather than in the past run and hide.

My character weaknesses are truly beginning to change and be molded into something new. 

I can't wait to see what happens next. 

When I got home from my trip I quickly went back to the place that I find the most peace and refuge. It is the place where I meditate and counsel with my Father in Heaven. I was so excited to be "home".

fear and faith

I have had some time to ponder and reflect on where my life is going. I had a conversation with someone I absolutely love so much and also value her opinion.

When I start feeling anxious and worried I realize that I am focusing too much on the future.

Lately I have been struggling with the reality that I might not have the opportunity to have my own children. I have also been dating a lot and there is nothing happening for me in that department either.

To be honest one of my biggest fears is growing old alone. Then I think of the many women who spent many years alone at the end of their life. Including my grandmother (my grandfather died 11 years before her). 

Fear and faith seem to not be able to be felt at the exact same time. Yet fear can make my faith grow quickly because I have to give my fears away and press forward in faith.

Who knows what the future holds so there's no reason to put too much worrying and energy into it other than planning. 

I might die tomorrow or live till I am 90 but all I really have is today.

I choose to continue to work on living in the now and trust in God!

Beautiful day

Today was one of those days I never want to forget. It was an amazing day. My heart is full of hope and happiness.

It feels like the sun rays would shine out of every pore if I was any happier. The song birds would sing in unison my favorite songs if I were any happier.  

When I say hope I mean hope beyond: tomorrow I hope work goes well...

I hope that so so calls me...

I even hope soon I will fall in love.

This is hope or a BELIEF that all of it will happen. Every fiber of my being knows/believes that it is all true. 

What is true?

The gospel of Jesus Christ is true. Heavenly Father sent his Son to come down to atone for our sins.

I always thought the atonement was for future happiness but no it applies to NOW. Happiness right now in this moment.

I testify with all my heart and soul that I know God the Eternal Father lives and that Jesus Christ made it possible to be happy here on earth. happy among the trials, happy despite all the suffering in the world, happy even though bad things happen to good people and good things happen to not so good people.

Today I was at the most beautiful place and a majority of the time I was just smiling. Everyone around me was smiling too. I thought if this is what heaven is like this is perfect.

Today I also got to spend time with dear friends. Someone that I really look up too. Her life has been a challenge but she continues to fight and battle. She is such a courageous woman. She struggles with  some stuff but the changes she has made since I met her one year ago are astonishing. As we talked I told her how happy Heavenly Father is... I know he is because I could feel it in my heart. I told her no matter what even if you stumble... Don't turn away. 

Then me and my other really good friend and her son went and did some service tonight. It is such a blessing to have such wonderful friends in my life.

I am truly so blessed. 

I do wish this feeling could stay with me for days and days. I know one day though it will feel like this everyday. In the life to come.

It is so worth it. Turn to Heavenly Father. Let go of the things that hold you down. Repent, be baptized, receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and endure on. Endure with joy and gladness. 

The promises are true.

I know despite how I feel right now the dark clouds and days will return. There is opposition in all things. On the darkest of days... I write to remember the most amazing and beautiful feelings that I felt.

~blessed child

Peace and Love

The greatest feelings that I have discovered in the past few years is peace and love.

Through working hard and trying to clean up my side of the street I have found that I can be more at peace with myself and the world around me. I had been working the 12 step program for years but I had not found the peace that fills my heart and soul today. I was missing something.

That something was the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the Plan of Redemption (happiness). Through the ultimate sacrifice of my Savior Jesus Christ I could have peace and joy. It though requires a lot of change. Change I at times thought was beyond my reach or abilities.

Some of the things that if I did daily would help me along the path to true peace and joy those being prayer, reading the scriptures, service, and daily meditation.

The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ. 

It puts forth the doctrines of the gospel, outlines the plan of salvation, and tells men (and women) what they must do to gain peace in this life and eternal salvation in the life to come. (Book of Mormon, Introduction)

To know that I am aligning my life to be working towards what I desire the most peace on earth and salvation and exaltation in the life to come.

Last night at my meeting we discussed Step 7 Humility and I was reminded that often the further we walk off the path the more painful the journey can be to return. (A lot more garbage in the street).

"Even as you feel the pains of your own rebirth, remember that His suffering, not yours, ensures your redemption from sin. Your sacrifice is only a humble reminder of His “great and last sacrifice” on your behalf (Alma 34:14). (Addiction Recovery Program, Step 7: Humility)"

To feel the pain that I have felt in the years of addiction and then the pain of cleaning up the damage and wreckage of my past I am humbled by how much my Savior and Redeemer did for me. I am grateful and humbled for what he did for all of us. 

The choice is yours, the price has been paid. The ultimate act of unconditional love is done. Choose this day to find joy and feel the love that is there for you. Turn unto him. Return to his love and feel his peace.

Love

The greatest commandment is to love God with all thy heart. 

When I focus on this commandment I think of what would he have me do to show him that I love him with all my heart, soul, and being. It always leads to the second great commandment to love thy neighbors. What a joy it is to love others and hopefully being them a little extra love to their day. 

I try to be mindful and purposeful in all my doings to remember my Heavenly Father and my Savior and if I do so it makes life so much more enjoyable.

Sure my old thinking pops up and I still make poor choices but all in all my life keeps getting better one day at a time by loving God and my neighbors.

~blessed child

Gratitude

Gratitude Is section a wonderful gift not only for the person receives a thank you or expression of gratitude but also the person who gives it. 

Gratitude is pretty much always free to give but it's priceless to receive and give.

Yesterday a woman in one of my church meetings brought over some flowers and a cute card. In the card she expressed her gratitude for my comments and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and my testimony and experience helps her know that the church is true.

Little did she know that I was having a conversation with a friend just a few minutes before about if I talk too much in church and if I needed to be quiet. 

I had also taught Sunday school class to the 14-year-old youth and I was full of doubt if I relayed the message I wanted to give. 

The card and flowers were very important to me Because it demonstrated a few different things: God loves us and knows our needs, that people are wonderful and the world is beautiful, and I need to continue to share my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ as often as I am prompted.

Thank you!

Reborn

I have been reborn! Today I choose to finally accept my value. What a prized possession I am. I am not broken, I am not worn out, I am not all those negative things I told myself for years.

I am a miracle. One of gods greatest miracles.

Today I choose to no longer live in negativity, mediocrity, or in the shame I lived in.

I saw myself as broken...no i am not even close. I am a beautiful daughter of God perfectly created to do exactly what he wants me to do and be. Talented, intelligent, artistic and a lover of all people. He has blessed me with so many gifts. I choose to not waste one more day or one more minute thinking I am less than. Thinking that I need more. 

I embrace who I am. I will love myself as much as I love others and treat myself with the love and care I deserve. I am gods miracle that I must cherish, develop, and allow that miracle to grow and blossom.

I choose to be grateful for every breath I take, for all the gifts of my life.

 I choose to  know how beautiful I am inside and out because God does not make mistakes.

I choose to work hard everyday and not settle for less than in anything. If I make a commitment it will be the best commitment ever. I will go further than the agreement. I will use the power given to me with thought, and be still and consider and counsel on the most valuable gift given to me. The power of choice. We only coast one way. I choose to be successful in all things. I choose to use my power of choice wisely with full knowledge of how my decisions ripple far beyond even what I can see.

Finally I choose to love! Not the worlds definition of love but the love that i feel on my heart that was given as a gift from God. My love is a burning desire to show every person that they too are also a miracle of God. I will no longer wait for a decision from any authority to tell me how to love... Or who to love. I love God, I love Jesus Christ and I love all of Gods children my brothers and sisters, and I LOVE ME!

Yesterday I was on one path and my trajectory changed and I am on a different path... I finally understand what the STRAIGHT and narrow path is. I am on it. My foundation is laid now I will build upon it.

Each day I will choose to win the small battles and know that with God all things are possible. I know that my recipe for success is Read, Pray, and Serve daily.

I choose to choose wisely, love others, go that extra mile and work hard, be grateful, know that God created me perfectly, and LOVE GOD.

My heart burns like it is on fire. 

I am so grateful for what has been given to me. Peace and Joy!

Meditation written 7/12/13

Sitting at my spot on the temple grounds thinking about my experience yesterday. So amazing. I was meditating on my feelings and what I was thinking and experiencing yesterday. I felt Overwhelmed by the spirit and just a strong feeling of gratitude. I was incredibly nervous too. I felt the same way the day I returned to church. Then today I was reading the scriptures and I read this: 

21 And when thy people transgress, any of them, they may speedily repent and return unto thee, and find favor in thy sight, and be restored to the blessings which thou hast ordained to be poured out upon those who shall reverence thee in thy house. 

22 And we ask thee, Holy Father, that thy servants may go forth from this house armed with thy power, and that thy name may be upon them, and thy glory be round about them, and thine angels have charge over them; (D&C 109)

I especially liked this passage because it talked about transgression. It did not mention what transgression or anything other than speedily repent and return unto thee. 

It does not matter how far down or how far away you have walked from God and his teachings. Only that you repent quickly and return to him and the blessings will return.

~blessed child

My temple experience

I can hardly find the words to describe the experience I had tonight at the temple. Today I was nervous and excited and nervous and EXCITED all day. It kinda felt like I was 3 and I was waiting for Christmas morning or about to go play in the championship game.

The path I walked for many years was polar opposite of how I felt tonight. 

Yes I had fun but only moments of fun followed by isolation, regret, and hurt.

Tonight I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and joy.

As I sat in the chapel meditating and thinking about my life and where I have been and the decision to turn away from all of that and to commit to doing and being better. Being the woman I know my Heavenly Father wants me to be. 

I knew that my Heavenly Father and my Savior were looking down on me with big smiles.

I am not going to lie I did have moments of self doubt wondering if I can sustain, and I wondered if this is really me. I have only known this woman for months. The old me the familiar and wild me I know what she is all about.

I am so blessed to know "With God nothing shall be impossible" Luke 1:37

I know that what I felt tonight was just the beginning. 

The other beautiful thing was a lot of my family and friends were there with me. We also got to do my brothers proxy work that passed away. The spirit was so strong I could visualize him in heaven looking down on is having such an amazing moment together for our entire family. 

I have cried off and on throughout the day. Feeling full of love and happiness. 

Wow. It was everything I hoped for and more!

The biggest feeling I have is gratitude for my Savior and Heavenly Father for giving me the ability to come unto him and to be made whole. 

I am a blessed child.

A big day going to the temple

Tomorrow is such a big day for me. Tomorrow I get to enter into the temple for the first time since I was a youth. Tonight I have been reading the New Era, I printed off names to take from family search, and I talked with some of my closest friends and family. 

There is no greater blessing than to do proxy work for my family members that have passed on that are anxiously waiting for their work to be done.

I can't wait to feel the peace and the spirit in the temple. I  also so excited to go with so many loved ones.

The hard work and patience is worth it.

A little voice in my head keeps trying to trick me telling me I am not good enough or worthy enough. Sure I can be and do much better in my life. The important thing that I remind myself is I am worthy and I strive daily to be a better woman.

The key to my success is living my life ONE DAY AT A TIME. Keep it simple. Read, pray, and serve.

I used to be so sad. I couldn't see the colors of the world all i saw was gray. Today I see so much beauty. I see people's smiles. I see the possibilities. I love life!

I can never deny the great plan of redemption because I have been redeemed.

It is taking that first step of faith and ask God what you want to know. Then follow the still small voice. 

I am so grateful. 

I am in tears thinking of what it used to be like and now how wonderful my life is.

I won the lottery of life. The wonderful thing is everyone is entitled to the winning ticket... The Savior gave his life for us so we can be redeemed.

Limited temple recommend

Wow a day I thought would never come just happened. I went through the interview process for my limited temple recommend. It has been 21 years since I have has a limited temple recommend.  I feel overwhelmed with gratitude for all the love me service that has poured upon me to help me get here. 

Especially grateful for my family, friends and priesthood leaders who kept encouraging me when I felt it was impossible. There have been countless phone calls, text massages, and so forth that have brought me back from the edge back into the fold where the strength is.

Above all else this would not have been possible without the enabling power of the atonement. I owe everything to my Savior  and The Lord for everything they have given me.

I think I will constantly struggle with my own voices in my head that will try to make me feel not good enough. I could answer all the recommend questions honestly and I know I can walk into the house of The Lord WORTHY. 

Truly another miracle through the power of the savior and my Heavenly father.

Blessed beyond belief.

~blessed child

 

Wanting tattoo removal or a new tattoo... What?

I have been going through laser tattoo removal for months. I had to take some time off because off a surgery and an injury. Today I am really wanting to get either a session of laser removal or a tattoo. What does that say? My loved ones and the people I confide in say it is my emotions are not in the normal functioning range so causing some sort of pain shuts down the emotions/pain and puts everything back in a more tolerable place. 

I did not notice that pattern until one day I was craving a treatment for laser removal because of some horrific emotional pain I was going through. I went and got the laser removal and that immediately stopped the emotional pain. For the first time is was blatantly obvious what the treatments did. The physical pain of the tattoo removal overrode the emotional pain. Very intriguing. When I find myself focused on things and becoming imbalanced I can not reach for people, places, or things that take me from what I am working hard to become. 

No longer can I reach for the empty relationship that caused harm but fulfilled my immediate need of someone that would tell me how beautiful and loved I am only to later stab me in the heart.

I can not go to friends that offer me things that take me from what I am trying to become.

I can not reach for substances, games or other things that do not add anything of value.

I ask myself does this take me further away or closer to who I am trying to become?

Tattoo removal... Closer. When it is not used to escape feelings. (Today I called 3 times trying to get an appointment)

new ink... Further. Even though the message would be uplifting. It is only to fulfill this craving to stop the emotional pain. 

Today I will pray, surround myself with good people, and this too shall pass. One day at a time. 

~blessed child

A miracle... On the path

February 26 my life changed. Actually my life has been slowly changing and improving since 2003.
In April of 2003 I hit my knees when I was in a 30 day treatment facility and asked my Heavenly Father to help me get sober and find recovery in my life. I made a promise to him that I would do the things I needed to in order to stay sober and learn to do the right things in my life.
Many years later I am sitting here writing about my life, my spirituality, my love for life, and my relationship with God.
On February 26 I sat down with my significant other and we made a decision to separate and within a week I knew I wanted to end our long relationship. There had been many things that happened over the years to lead to this decision but those things don't really matter now. I knew life had more to offer than how I was feeling. I felt numb, detached, disconnected from the world but this disconnection was not caused from an unhealthy or dysfunctional relationship; it is something much bigger and I have a hard time explaining it. I had been searching for the answer with accomplishments, money, things and friends. From the outside I was successful yet on the inside I felt empty. Not depressed though. On February 26 I had this level of clarity like I had never experienced before. It was very intense! It was not like the heavens parted and I knew what I needed to go... I just had this "intuition" and clarity that it does get better than this. I can do it. I will get there, I will figure it out ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I also knew exactly where I need to go. I called my brother and went over and talked with him and his wife about staying with them. My brother has also been such an AMAZING role model. His wife is awesome, and I adore their children. They graciously said I could live with them. So I moved in. Little did I know...
Today is April 25 I wanted to write about my spiritual journal with the many changes that I have made and I will make in my life.
On April 15 I went back to church for the first time in many many years (since I was 19). Before I went to church I said a very simple prayer to my Heavenly Father to ask him to allow me to feel the spirit if I was supposed to be there and HOLY COW.
The entire time I felt the spirit from the moment I sat down in church through all the meetings.
In the first meeting called sacrament meeting it was a testimony meeting where people can get up and share their experiences and also there love for the Savior or whatever they would like to talk about in relation to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I was blessed to hear peoples testimonies of church, the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the recent conference.
One testimony stuck out. He talked about not having a ticket to get into conference (he lost it) and how at the very last second he was able to get in. He said he thinks about making the right choices so he can be with his family forever in heaven. He never wants to be outside wishing he had his ticket to get in.
We went to the next class called "Gospel Essentials" and I got to meet with members of the ward, and also meet the missionaries. We learned about King Benjamin from the Book of Mormon. I felt the spirit strongly in the class. My brother introduced me to the missionaries and they asked me if I would be interested in taking the missionary lessons. I agreed so we scheduled lesson 1 for  the following week.
Then I went to the next meeting called Relief Society it is where the women get together and share, and learn more about the Gospel of Jesus Christ, and how to be better daughter and women of Christ. Everyone was very kind and welcoming. My sister in law sat by me and introduced me to the women.
Before Sunday I did not own a dress or a skirt, I was so scared of going back to church because of past experiences and my own fears, and I definitely was VERY scared of sitting in a room full of really righteous women. I was nervous to step inside church fearing I might get struck by lightning. :)
After church I went home and took one of those naps you wish could go on for days.
I went back to church to meet with the Bishop. We talked about my first day being back at church after many many years of not attending. We also touched on some of my struggles and choices I had made over the years. I told him that it was my goal to take it ONE DAY AT A TIME.
Bishop was supportive, kind, educated me, and really made me feel like I belonged. I was surprised how well it went and how uplifted I felt and I could not wait to meet again to get more work done.
The following week I travel out of state to present at a conference and the entire trip I had the spirit with me. I was very excited to return home and go back to church. (A feeling I thought I would never feel)
April 22 I went to church again and sacrament meeting was really good, Gospel Essentials was great but Relief Society was AMAZING. One of the women gave a lesson on hope. I was in tears almost the entire time because the lesson was about life, the atonement of Jesus Christ and Heaven. It gave me HOPE about somethings that happened as a direct result of very early childhood trauma and that God knows the difference. These things kept me away from the Gospel pretty much my whole life. Even though I went to church as a child until I was 18, I never listened. I couldn't! I was touched and moved. Her beautiful lesson gave me the assurance I was in the right place and to finally get the healing I desperately desired. I wanted to stand up in the room and thank everyone, praise Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father and SING.
Again, I met with Bishop and we talked further about my life. He also provided me with more guidance and taught me more. Since I was making major changes in my life and I was like a new convert to the church I had so much to learn.
I am so uplifted , I am so full of peace about going back to church and I want to do whatever it takes.
Bishop gave me homework to read the Addiction Recovery Manual to complete Step 1.
I also met with the missionaries, my brother, and sister in law. They did an great job especially since one of them had only been out for 6 days, They challenged me to read the Book of Mormon and so far I have read the introduction.
What an amazing experience I have had. It is actually miraculous! I NEVER thought I would be here writing this and feeling as happy as I am feeling now. I can only imagine what it will be like if this is just the beginning.

Thoughts about completing the 12 Addiction Recovery Program Steps

True Happiness

            Service is important to me because as I have healed and learned to be honest with myself and others, learned to trust in God, and was finally completely 100% honest with myself, God and confessed of all my sins and past. I was able, truly able, to have a change of heart where my focus was not on self-seeking and temporal things but rather on an eternal view and on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had to humble myself and learn about my character weaknesses and the possibility and process of making my weakness into strengths. One of the first steps of being humble was to seek out those people I had harmed in my past and apologize, make my amends, and restitution. Once I had cleaned up my past I started to live my life with daily accountability by maintaining my change of heart through daily self-appraisal and immediate repentance. Also, relying on Heavenly Father to help me with any feeling that took me away from peace.

 I had to learn to counsel with the Lord every day and learned to do the Lords will and all that I do. I had to learn how to be still and receive personal inspiration and revelation from the Holy Ghost. Which I found worked best if I continued to live the commandments, and do the things daily that kept the Spirit near me. Daily scripture study, prayer throughout the day, daily  self- appraisal, turning my will over to God daily, and every night  thanking him for the opportunity to return to the Gospel and being forgiven for the things I have done wrong and my weakness. Also, expressing gratitude for continuing to fortify me and helping me become the woman and daughter of God that he always knew I could be. Through doing all these things I have learned truly how to live the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I will never forget how important the atonement of Jesus Christ is for me and all the children of Heavenly Father.

            I know with all my heart after I have learned and gone through so much and worked so hard to come unto Him that the final and ongoing thing I must do is serve others. God has blessed me with an amazing gift of being able to relate and create trust with almost anyone. I love helping and loving people that have a hard time loving themselves, and especially sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I want to shout from the rooftops come unto Jesus Christ because he truly is the Prince of Peace. The atonement will allow you to love yourself and others again. The Gospel will teach you how to live a life that is truly fulfilling and brings true happiness. I was so sad, so lost, and hopeless. Now I am full of love, hope, and I found myself through the sacrifice and service of others.  For that I am eternally grateful. Because I am so grateful I will continue to serve others as Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father would have me do. I will continue to teach others about the gospel through my example and if needed through my words.

            At the beginning of these steps I had been sober for a while and I was unsure of what would happen as I worked through these steps. Now as I look back I am such a different woman. I am true believer, I have been healed and strengthened through the atonement. I have learned how to study to the scriptures and love and cherish them. I am a worthy member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I have learned how to live life on life’s terms and one day at a time. Most importantly I am close with all my family including my Heavenly Father. Each and every day I look forward to the moments I have on my knees to share with both Jesus and Heavenly Father how my day went, and struggles I might have, and express how grateful for everything.

            When I was young every time I made a wish I made the same wish until I was in my twenties. In my twenties one day I just stopped wishing because I gave up on life and on myself. The wish I wished for all those years “I wish I can be happy”. I no longer need to wish because through this process, the gospel, the atonement, prayers, love, and sacrifice from others, my dedications and obedience to the gospel I can truly say “I am happy”. For that my heart is full of joy and gratitude. Now to continue on in faith and enjoy life ONE DAY AT A TIME.

~Blessed Child

Addiction Recovery Program Step 12

Step 12 Service


To listen to an actual ARP 12 step meeting focused on Step 12: Service
Please visit http://www.mormonchannel.org/addiction-recovery-program/service-step-12

The Addiction Recovery Guide is available as a PDF (24 languages) or mp3.

More information is available on arp.lds.org.

Addiction Recovery Program Step 11

Step 11 Personal Revelation






To listen to an actual ARP 12 step meeting focused on Step 11: Personal Revelation
Please visit http://www.mormonchannel.org/addiction-recovery-program/personal-revelation-step-11

The Addiction Recovery Guide is available as a PDF (24 languages) or mp3.

More information is available on arp.lds.org.